my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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