i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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