Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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