I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize