I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize