I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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