gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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