im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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