I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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