i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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