This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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