I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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