dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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