just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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