Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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