You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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