DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
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So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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