Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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