Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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