lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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