i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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