I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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