Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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