I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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