How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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