you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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