This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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