I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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