last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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