I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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