my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize