so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize