He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
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Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize