I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize