The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize