I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
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It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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