I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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