You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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