8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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