Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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