She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize