First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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