that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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