I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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