cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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