Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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