OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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