just tell him i said nine months
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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