It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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