i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
accomplished twins. life is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize