I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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